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The AGGRESSIVE Man Working In The Bathroom

How many missed HW assignments and drug charges does it take for a 40 yr old man to find himself passing out paper towels to perfectly able bodies in a dance or concert club’s bathroom?

 

That’s usually all I can think about as I rinse my hands off inside a club’s bathroom trying to avoid eye contact with the tip jar; that and me wondering why the hell is there fun size chocolate readily available in a public restroom? Gum I get, lotion makes sense, even mints, but Hershey’s chocolate? Milk chocolate is the reason why I’m here (s/o to all my lactose intolerant readers).

 

This piece was inspired by an overly aggressive bathroom waiter (is that the term?) working at the Dom Kennedy concert in Santa Ana. I over heard him talking small talk about football with someone at the sink as I was taking a piss. The guy finishes washing his hands and exits. The aggressive bathroom guy then says out loud to himself “mother fucker making all that conversation but not tipping. The jar is there for a reason.”

 

UhhhhhhWHAT?

 

I’m thinking wooooow! Calm down bathroom waiter. He acts as if he wiped the guy’s behind or held his penis upright…You passed him a paper towel, not even a soft paper towel, but damn near construction paper….a paper construction towel he could have easily gotten himself.

 

What does the restroom man application process look like anyway? Is their mandatory training to improve paper passing speed and to be able to remain still in horrible stenches without leaving your post?

 

Don’t get me wrong I can respect any man trying to make a dollar. No problem, but the tip jar equipped with high expectations throws me for a loop? I don’t get it. Did he bring the lotion from his own home? Did he do something special to these paper towels? Will these paper towels guarantee I don’t leave home alone tonight? If not then what’s the point?

 

That’s like me eating lunch and someone walks over and offers to massage my jaw to aid the beginning of my food digestion, thanks but no thanks. – I think I can take it from here.

 

-Chinedu Unaka

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