Oh yeah it’s tweet style as in it’s only 140 characters or less. Have fun.
Thank you all for making my birthday show a sold out success; it was a really great time. I got to see a lot of old faces from college, high school, and met plenty of new friends. In addition, we were able to raise money for Lung Cancer Research in honor of my friend Roy Russell IV, who passed away from his battle last year.
I hope everyone got home safely.
Much love to you all – remember life is short, nothing like a birthday to remind you of that simple fact – so keep having FUNny!
p.s. Aquarius people rock (just felt like the right thing to say?)!]]>
It’s like the way a 5th grade teacher offers an out of control student with ADHD options to either complete 1-7 first or 8-14 so he feels like he had a say so in what he’ll be doing for the next hour and a half. That way hopefully he won’t begin to resist and instead feel a sense of power when truthfully *whispers* he never held any power to begin with. Honestly, if the kid thought about it he’ll realize he never wanted to do any of the problems in the first place; rather he would love to go outside and do some hands on learning about snails and tater tots soaked in cafeteria issued chocolate milk.
With that said, with great power comes great responsibility, and honestly many people aren’t too responsible. So it’s a bit of a catch 22.
So why? Why do I vote? 4 main reasons
1. I’m ‘black.’ Its no secret, black people had to take it to the face, literally, (ah la Mississippi and Alabama fire hoses) to get rights that we’re naturally granted to others born in this country. Thus, whether I believe in the system or not I owe it to my ancestors to vote – after all there is a picture hanging in my dad’s house of my older uncle donating a piece of his booty meat to a Canine outside of a southern state voting hall.
2. To let the powers that be know that yes – we’re ‘awake’ (laying in bed watching TV awake, sure, but awake nevertheless): watching, reading, and listening. A lot of times you only get good customer service if you ask for it. For example, if you and others didn’t demand and or expect that hotel rooms be cleaned before you checked in – you would catch yourself spending your first night in a room littered with dirty pampers; which is weird because you always wear a condom before you ‘exercise’ so you’re pretty sure that’s not your baby’s doing. Companies, restaurants, etc. will do the least if you allow the least, same thing goes for our government. So voting is like saying ‘yeah we’ll take your shit, but you will NOT piss on us too!’
3. Hard not to! SHEESH! The commercials, the t-shirts, the booths on every corner, the college sophomores taking poli-sci classes that still believe they can save the world! So many reminders! So many bumper stickers! So many guilt trips! It’s harder not to vote these days then it is to just say f*ck it and walk into a booth and pick the black guy.
4. And most importantly complaining about politics can be really fun and bring people together – like at dinner parties and over lunch at work; but you can’t complain if you don’t vote! Well you can, but you look and smell like a dick if you do.
Don’t smell like a dick – VOTE this year!
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Usually when a suspicious looking person on the street with white powder surrounding their mouth asks me for $1.65 cents “for something to eat” I assumed they might be on drugs or that they eat baby powder, which is usually an indication that someone is on drugs. . This time was different. I gave LeRoy (he had a name tag on attached to his overalls…weird) a dollar and carried on down the ave. When I returned he was back on the corner drinking a Starbucks Frappuccino, shaking more than ever! What is going on here? What is making Starbucks so damn good? So addicting!?
I don’t understand the long lines inside of Starbucks sometimes, especially because Starbucks is extremely over priced. In Airports they don’t even bother to follow suit with other companies and raise their prices as every other store and restaurant, because they are already horribly inflated.
Just the other day, I bought an Iced coffee with no coffee for $5.75! That’s ridiculous! At that price I should be putting macchiatos in my gas tank and drinking gas before work. Either way, we should not be coughing up that much money for coffee on a Saturday afternoon when most of us don’t have shit to do! What is wrong with me! What is wrong with you! What is wrong with LeRoy! What is wrong with us! *Wipes fallen tear from keyboard*
I know people who drink Starbucks after just waking up from a 3 hour nap! Why!!! Is it the funny names like Macchiato and Frappuccino that keeps us coming back? That keeps us feeling cool, feeling like a Star w/ plenty of Bucks? Is Starbucks more about a statement than it is a cup of Joe? Is their cocaine in my Starbucks? Is Colombia giving Starbucks the old fashion two for one deal at the port of New Orleans? That wooooould explain why their is a Starbucks ON EVERY DAMN CORNER, bullying the mom and pop shops like The Coffee Bean and Dunkin’ Donuts! Believe it or not, I actually seen a Starbucks inside of a Starbucks inside of an Elementary School!
I’m truly concerned, because I am actually complaining about Starbucks while sitting inside of a Starbucks!? I need to go.
Lets leave LeRoy.
That’s usually all I can think about as I rinse my hands off inside a club’s bathroom trying to avoid eye contact with the tip jar; that and me wondering why the hell is there fun size chocolate readily available in a public restroom? Gum I get, lotion makes sense, even mints, but Hershey’s chocolate? Milk chocolate is the reason why I’m here (s/o to all my lactose intolerant readers).
This piece was inspired by an overly aggressive bathroom waiter (is that the term?) working at the Dom Kennedy concert in Santa Ana. I over heard him talking small talk about football with someone at the sink as I was taking a piss. The guy finishes washing his hands and exits. The aggressive bathroom guy then says out loud to himself “mother fucker making all that conversation but not tipping. The jar is there for a reason.”
I’m thinking wooooow! Calm down bathroom waiter. He acts as if he wiped the guy’s behind or held his penis upright…You passed him a paper towel, not even a soft paper towel, but damn near construction paper….a paper construction towel he could have easily gotten himself.
What does the restroom man application process look like anyway? Is their mandatory training to improve paper passing speed and to be able to remain still in horrible stenches without leaving your post?
Don’t get me wrong I can respect any man trying to make a dollar. No problem, but the tip jar equipped with high expectations throws me for a loop? I don’t get it. Did he bring the lotion from his own home? Did he do something special to these paper towels? Will these paper towels guarantee I don’t leave home alone tonight? If not then what’s the point?
That’s like me eating lunch and someone walks over and offers to massage my jaw to aid the beginning of my food digestion, thanks but no thanks. – I think I can take it from here.
According to E! Obama, was recently asked who he likes better as a rapper: Jay-Z or Kanye West. After choosing Jay-Z, Obama said that Kanye was a smart and talented guy, but “he is [still] a jackass.”
Let me explain why I was very excited to hear this statement. Not because I think Kanye is an actual jackass or that I think Kanye looks like a donkey or that donkeys don’t get enough media attention. My joy has nothing to do with animals or Kanye. I am excited that President Obama is attempting to be a real person. I love when Obama makes a little joke about pop culture or when he visits ESPN and gives delusional predictions of the Bulls winning the playoffs or gets caught checking out some Brazilian booty in another country. I say let our free world leaders breathe.
People love criticizing every move of the President. “Why Obama has to put on his LEFT shoe before his RIGHT shoe? Why does the RIGHT shoe can’t ever come first? What happen to all the compromise he promised…blah blah blah?” ST*U.
If we let Obama be Obama then Obama can do a better job being president; but when you make a man paranoid about everything he says and does it’s hard to think and talk straight.
Who cares if Obama jokingly or seriously thinks Kanye is a Jackass? Kanye West himself thinks Kanye is a jackass. For all we know, Obama also probably thinks Lady Gaga does hard drugs, Chris Tucker should put out another Friday movie, and that Beyonce gluteus is greater than her voice.
We make our presidents so paranoid they can’t give us straight answers, because they feel the majority of the world will not know how to take it. So when you ask Obama “When will the economy be strong again?” He gives you a 2 hr speech when really all he wants to say is… “I have no idea actually, but I got a team of really nerdy people busting their ass upstairs as we speak; locked in a large office with 31 pots of coffee and 400 calculators…next question.”
Sometimes I feel Kobe isn’t ball hogging on purpose, maybe his mind is still living in the past when he was younger and that way of play actually worked, because he was the most athletic person on the court. But other times I have a feeling if I was to break into Kobe’s mansion he would have the scoring record circled above his bed as his true primary goal late in his career.
I wonder… what would Kobe choose… to either 1. win the another ring this year, BUT have Andrew Bynum or even Pau Gasol named Finals MVP?
Or… to lose, but have three amazing 60 point games in the Western Conference Finals?
I’m sure it’s the ring?
Reasons I hated working at Baby Gap/Gap Kids –